I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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