I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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