bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
