# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
