Nicole vs. Life
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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