So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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