I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My pussy is not your playground.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I AM VODKA MAN
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
