Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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