He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They took my balls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
