My room smells like vodka and shame
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
