i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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