I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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