you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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