I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
