we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
