is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My life is pants optional.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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