Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
