We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
