At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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