the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
