everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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