they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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