i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
