We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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