I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
