I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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