you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
