Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize