I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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