Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
