That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
