My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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