she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
