Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
