Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize