it wasn't lemon gatorade
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
