The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she pinky promised me she was 18
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
