you have to choose: penises or morals?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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