well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
