Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
