Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize