she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
