I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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