SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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