The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
