I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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