I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
