I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
