we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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