Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i think i just lost a toe
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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