tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
