mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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