Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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