He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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