When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
