You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
