Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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