i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
