At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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