goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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