Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize