i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
