After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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