I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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