So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
