$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
