We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
