The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
