How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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