the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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