What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are a genius and a whore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
