Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
