I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
