i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
