and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
