You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
