if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
