Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
