it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
