this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
